Big, Dumb, And Easily Confused

I'm keeping it for the "stay in contact with your friends" stuff but I'm not going to be posting any more blog entries to my account. I'm tired of making someone else's shit all swanky with my keen insights and have decided to launch my own blog. I'll finally be doing something with the space I've been paying 11 bucks a month for for the last few years.

Bookmark http://www.bakerland.us to stay up to date with me and my insane crap...

That is all...

Hi

I've written a quiz 'How well do you know Jude?' on Bebo. Click below to answer the questions and see how well you do:

http://www.bebo.com/inviteq/3706265860a822845090b228

Jude

There is no such thing as a cure all. Goals are fine, but reaching them doesn't solve anything. With each plateau you simply trade in old problems for new ones. I say this not to disappoint or to discourage, but to keep you grounded. If you remember this and learn from it, you can use it and constantly be ready for the next challenge... meet it head on instead of letting it blindside you and ruin your moment of triumph. It's never over... and there's always something next.

Stepped on the scale today and that's what I saw. I know I was between 235 and 245 in June when they fired my ass. Just two more little pounds and a few more months of exercise and I can intentionally subject myself to the worst experience of my life. Isn't it exciting?

I wonder what the inside of a ship really looks like?

[15:38] jbaker168: Could you SEE me in the military?
[15:38] Adam: uh...is this a trick question?
[15:39] jbaker168: no, actually...
[15:39] Adam: in that case...no
[15:39] jbaker168: can you boil it down to anything in particular?
[15:40] Adam: um...well, the aderance to schedule, the rules, the discipline, the PT
[15:41] jbaker168: so if I said I was tired of what my life has been and actually wanted to make substantial changes to it, and that all of those thing are something that appeals to me right now, would this conversation start making more sense?
[15:42] Adam: yes...but I don't think you would want to make that drastic of a change in your life
[15:42] jbaker168: I'm feeling the age thing and not seeing a lot of options...
[15:43] jbaker168: I'm trying to think of how to ultimately get back to making what I was and I'm not seeing it...
[15:43] Adam: I think it is going to take time...even joining the military wouldn t get you there any time soon
[15:43] jbaker168: yeah but it's a direction...
[15:43] Adam: I mean go be a fire fighter if you want the same level of purpose and such
[15:44] jbaker168: Fire fighter, huh?
[15:45] jbaker168: I just mean I don't see myself going back to college on my own... I don't like who and what I am atm, nor do I really care for the options that the job market in smalltown 29 palms is going to bring me...
[15:45] jbaker168: I'm actually seriously thinking about the marines
[15:46] jbaker168: I'd find out in a few months on my own once I get to grandma's... start running and working out every day and see how much weight I could lose... I'd have to drop like 30 pounds
[15:46] Adam: see, but if you arent willing to self start, do you actuall;y think you are going to handle well at all someone screaming and telling you what to do 24/7?
[15:46] jbaker168: I'll have quite a few clues before ever seeing the recruiter what I could handle physically
[15:47] jbaker168: I actually think that's what I need right now
[15:47] jbaker168: besides someone has been yelling at me and telling me what to do for over 5 years now and I'm no worse for wear
[15:47] Adam: I dont know
[15:48] jbaker168: It's stll all just thoughts right now... I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of hard work getting into shape ahead of me if I decide I want to do it... just wanting to yack at my friends to see what they think...
[15:49] jbaker168: and since you were dumb enough to befriend me in the first place
[15:49] Adam: true...my own damn fault
[15:49] jbaker168: I think on some level it's a sign I should just because a lot of people that know me don't see it and think it's such a departure
[15:50] jbaker168: I want a good job, something stable and secure that I'm either naturally good at or recieved good training for... something that'll help me take care of my family and that's what I see this as... something with the potential to give me direction and a future...
[15:51] jbaker168: until I get blown the fuck up... but hey...
[15:51] Adam: see? consider that part of it
[15:52] jbaker168: yeah and I could just as easily take 2 to the chest on the graveyard shift an Jack in the Box
[15:52] Adam: true when you out it that way
[15:52] jbaker168: those meth freaks get jumpy when they're robbing you and you don't give them thier fuckin' curly fries toot sweet
[15:54] jbaker168: the recruiter, who yeah for all intents and purposes is prolly satan's minion, said a lot of it depends on the programs you qualify for... yes if you're infantry you're gonna go someplace nasty but a support role like a computer or networking specialist would still be stationed somewhere but really more like miles away from any fighting
[15:54] jbaker168: and then there's some guys that never even leave 29 palms
[15:55] Adam: right....ever hear of a thing called "mortors" or "rockets" or "IED"
[15:55] jbaker168: ied that's birth control, right?
[15:56] Adam: no thats IUD
[15:56] jbaker168: I knew that...
[15:56] jbaker168: like I said... still in the thought stages
[15:58] Adam: keep thinking I say

Well lets see...

Everything is fucked here today... jobs were screwed up, computers are fucking up, people are at each others necks. Blame for yours truley is running rampant.

One of my last remaining friends that I get to see daily sounds like his Cancer battle isn't doing well. We might lose him at the very least in the sense that he won't work here any more and the more I think about it the more crushing an idea it seems.

And Teresa is absolutely disgusted with me. I wanted to have something come out of my mouth along the lines of "I feel thin, like butter spread over too much bread..." but instead it got all bent and retarded like normal and I said "DURP! Me no like housework!!!111 Housework is teh suxx0rz!!1110111"

Now all I need to do to make the day perfect is gouge an eye out or lop off a finger. Just really end it on a high note.

Maybe I'll get lucky and puncture my scrotum on something.



I know I don't do this often but yes I'm looking for pitty because god damnit this sucks. It just fucking pours if it rains at all. I either think I'm doing well or the whole galaxy crashes down on me. Yes I'm tired, yes I'm fucking depressed and yes I feel fucking burnt out. I want to scream at the walls until they fucking crumble. And most fucking importantly I want to say fuck a lot!

FUCK!

Just... fuck...

I've been having a lot of debate lately on the nature of being a man or what it is to be a man. I've been faced with a few situations now, quite a few, where I would have been justified to act in an atypical, macho, jerkoff manner and just unload on someone but ultimately didn't.

At my core I knew why I didn't... that's not me and I don't like doing that. But the million dollar question is why.

My entire life I've been around some manner of fuckwad or another that's needed to tear down and belittle in order to inflate thier own dwindled and flacid manhood. As part of my day of awakenings I've come to realize I don't have to...

A real man doesn't shirk his responsibility, he rises to it.
A real man doesn't need to crush someone else in order to elevate himself or cover for his insecurities, because at the end of the day he is confident in his own dealings and with his own behavior.

I'm tired of second guessing myself because I didn't act as a gut instinct in a manner I would think is bullshit if someone else did. I don't need to bitchslap someone just because they were being a bitch in the first place. To paraphrase: living well, prospering and enjoying life... rotten pranks aside, this will be my ultimate revenge in life.

I'll save the violence and the outbursts for the only situation it's really needed or warranted in my opinion...

Fuck with my wife, my kid... or the poeple around me I love the most... I'll break you. All the rest is bullshit, I know that now. I'll laugh as my sphere is like a fucking rock and they're scrambling to store a few nuts for the coming winter.

I want to have a breakdown...

Not a bad one just one of those fun harmless nervous breakdowns.

I want to be completely functional; I just want to wear my jason hockey mask and a pink unicorn t-shirt for like a month.

And when people try to talk to me I'd just moo at them, and point...

Sometimes I'd wear a hat made of aluminum foil and cheesepuffs.

Okay so I'm (WE'RE) having a little girl... and I have to get my shit together.

First things first, I have to get in shape... every girl needs to feel like her dad can kick the asses of various monsters, meanie-heads, boys with cooties and so on. I'll have to cut back on the gaming and startup with the cardio and wieght training.

Also...

I have to learn no less than four really good bedtime stories. Two unique stories consisting of fairies... one with some manner of little girl in a forrest... and one to be determined later after the girls personality becomes more clear (she may have a yearning for sci-fi).

On top of the weight training and cardio I have to work in vigorous stretching regimines. Little girls like horsey rides... must have strong knees, back and shoulders. I will live up to my equestrian duties and not let my little girl down.

While I will endevor to make sure she is exposed to all forms of entertainment in an appropriate manner, I must accept the fact that she is likely to not like anything I do (cartoon characters, comics, etc) and that I will have to learn the various inter-workings of the young female mind. I must dissern why the bear does indeed live in the big house, and why he likes it blue. I will study all of Bob's movements and the floor plan of his aquatic pinnaple home. I will learn and master all of Barbie's outfits and which one is approriate for yahting, and which ones can only be worn when residing in her malibu estate. These are all scary and horrifying tasks but I will not waver in my efforts to become the best daddy possible... I will not let my baby girl down.

Also, I have several long term goals.

I will immediately begin stockpiling all manner of knives, sowrds, and midevil cutlery. Every father has to have an arsenal of foreboding weaponry on hand to scare the wholly begeezus out of eventual suitors, I shall be no different. For my father in-law, it was fire arms, and he took great pride in showing me that with any particular rifle he could hit a target from over a mile away. My style is slightly different, and I will be prepared when the time comes to demonstrate the capability to cleave a large mass in two upon command. This is my duty. Being a male myself I know we are not to be trusted, especially with my precious angel.

That is all for now... I have to go finish filling out several mail-order "prop collector" catalogues.

Hey...

<.< >.>



... it's a girl...


Don't tell anyone...

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one


____________________________
____________________________




Someone said she didn't like the song... but only got to the second line...

Pikachu?

My nose and my eyes are secretly scheming with my nuts to drive me insane via insomnia. Every morning around three the same damned crap keeps waking me up. Trying to remember how long this shit lasted this time last year... good lord this sucks...

Fine! No one comment on my insightful spoken word/poetry stuff, or my funny catwoman drawing I found!

You can all eat poo!

POO I SAY!

POO!

I want a fucking Ipod...

Here We Go Again Lyrics
Artist: DMX
Album: Here We Go Again



[DMX]
Same old shit dog just a different day
You know how niggaz do when we play how we play
IT IS NOT A FUCKING GAME!
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
If it's fuck me nigga you know it's fuck you

I kick it to shorty to try to help him understand (uhh)
Hit him with work cause yo that's my little man (uh huh)
He asked a few questions bout the game and I told him (yeh)
So when he made a bad move it was my place to scold him (aight)
Never told him nuttin wrong, kept it fair
Didn't listen, so I might as well have been talkin to the air (damn)
Everybody makes mistakes, a mistake is aight
But if it ain't, I'ma tell you straight, time to say goodnight
Nobody likes to be played, regardless of the relationship
but shorty's fuckin up big time, I HATE THIS SHIT
I'm caught in the middle of, havin love for a lil nigga
knowin what's expected of me as a, real nigga (damn)
My next move is crucial, what do I do?
How do I keep it real with shorty in my crew?
Didn't want to kill him, so instead of puttin the Mac on him
I did the only thing I could do, turn my back on him (aight?)

Chorus: DMX

Here we go again..
Same old shit dog, just a different day
Here we go again..
You know how niggaz do, when we play, how we play
Here we go again..
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
Here we go again..
So if it's fuck me nigga, then you know it's fuck you

[DMX]
Niggaz that I fuck wit, wanna get him dead
But I'm cool with shorty's peoples, so I let him live
Under normal circumstances, he would be a marked man
but I hit him with a grand, just didn't shake his hand (ooh)
Go about your business (uh-huh) do what you gonna do (uh)
Be what you gon' be, I wash my hands, I'm through (aight?)
I can forgive I just can't forget
You're on your own lil' man don't ask me for shit (no)
If you paid attention to what I taught you then you good (uhh)
If I see you again, GET IT, understood?
Go 'head before I change my mind cause you know you should be dead
"I just wanted to say --" AIGHT?!!!! GO 'HEAD!
Instinct told me to kill him but the saviour is
I'm a good nigga, plus I owed his peeps a favor (hmm)
But I also knew, the decision I just made (yeah)
went against the rules of the game that we played (damn)

Chorus

[DMX]
I should have, followed my first instinct, cause I knew
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do
Now this nigga's fuckin with the competition (WHAT?)
Ungrateful motherfucker, shoulda got him missin (WHAT?)
This nigga got the nerve, to take my kindness, for a weakness
Gotsta get back on some street shit so I can creep this
rat, when I act, take one, set him up, to take two
get him there, take three, get him done
Wasn't hard for me to get him where I wanted him, confronted him
{*barrel spins*} BZZZZZZZT, CLICK! There was a bullet in one of them
Feelin lucky? CLICK, looks like you are
CLICK CLICK CLICK, luck ain't goin too far
What you did was put on another pair of shoes
and they just happened to be too big
What you did was stupid (damn) real fuckin stupid (aight?)
Well shorty I gave you a chance and what did you do?
Threw it back in my fuckin face so FUCK YOU TOO *BLAM* aight?

Chorus 2X

When playing on a World of Warcraft pvp server there is one true constant... it is the one and only rule and it is the only way to keep from going insane. When one "encounters the enemy", you have but one choice and one choice only. That being:

FUCK THEM IN THE EAR BEFORE THE MISERABLE ASSLICKER CAN BREATHE IT's NEXT BREATH!!!!111111

My nature is that of the nice guy... maybe he's trying to just quest. He's a little lower than me maybe I should just leave him be. Maybe she isn't LOOKING for a fight. NAW SCREW THAT! I give people chances and cut certain folks a wide berth... and they STAB you in the back.

NO MORE MR. NICE DWARF!

They engaged with an NPC? FUCK 'EM!

Low on health and mana and didn't see me coming? FUCK 'EM!

Lower level? FUCK 'EM!

Trying to /hug and /cheer me? Oh that gets the biggest FUUUUCK 'EM! of them all.

The (New) Tao of Motorhead:

"I shall beat all who oppose me. My beatings shall be swift. My beatings shall be painful. And I will show no mercy in all of my
beatings. Amen."

OW OW OW OW OWOWOW OW OW FUCK OW DAMNIT FUCKING OW OW OWOWOWOWOW OW OW!



That is all...


Ow...

Sorry... there...

(Still ow)

Taking a longer lunch because I clocked in early to handle shit...

Staring at my womans' older sisters' kids photos and just sighing and feeling very goofy and dumb and shit. Some of the photos of Tara really look like Teresa's baby photos I remember seeing. I sit and I think our baby is gonna look sorta like that and more goofyness poors forth. Any time in the last 10 years if you would have asked me the one thing I wanted more than ANYTHING ELSE in the world... it's a family... wife and kid...

I want this SOO bad... I still have fears, amazing ones, that someone is gonna pop out and go psych! at any moment but in the meanwhile I feel like it's finally kicking in and I can enjoy the lottery I just won.

I need to occupy my time though so I'm thinking about other shit because by the time the baby DOES get here I'll be even slug-nuttier than I would have been anyway. I KNOW! I can spend the next 8 months building a time machine, so that my future self can send it back to my current self and then my current self can go into the future and cuddle with my wife and child!

[looks around the room anxiously for the flash of light and loud KABOOM sound of the vortex opening]

Fuck! No such luck...